I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
