finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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