Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
