ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
