She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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