Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
