What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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