Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
