I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
