he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
