I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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