they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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