vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
