hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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