I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
jump out the window naked night went bad
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
