worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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