i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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