Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
