I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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