I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize