how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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