After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
