It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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