I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
