i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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