I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
