It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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