btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
