dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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