Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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