Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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