I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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