I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
