All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My feet surprised me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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