Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
