I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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