I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
