There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
