She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
