Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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