Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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