you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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