The maid of honor just puked.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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