and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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