It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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