Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
