My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you traded sex for a burrito?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
