i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
