Screwed.edu
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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