Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
