chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
