so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
