What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
