Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
