just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
