The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
