theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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