I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
