first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
