i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
