Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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