even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
