I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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