You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
