Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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