We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
