I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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