So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
