hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
