im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Vodka?
Forever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
