Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize