What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
