that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
