It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
