I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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