It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
