you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
