Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
