did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize