bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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