I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you inspire me to be a worse person
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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