Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
