I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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