i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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