Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
