even my farts smell like vagina
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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