I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
