Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it penis luge time yet?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
