ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
