I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
