I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
