Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
