I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
