my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
