Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Panties = found
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
