Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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