I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
