hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
