By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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