dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
