So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
