Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
