Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
