meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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