My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
