plz talk dirty to me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
