But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize