I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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