I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize