Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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