Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
