I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
