His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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